THINGS I HAVE SAID TO ONE OR BOTH OF MY CATS WHEN NO ONE ELSE WAS PRESENT WHICH WOULD HAVE BEEN AWKWARD IF I HAD INSTEAD SAID THEM TO MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE

Hey there, boogerbutt!

Hey, leave your sister alone!

Could you possibly have found a worse place to puke?

You are so cute.

Come up and sit on my lap.

Let go of my foot!

Here, let me get that eye-booger.

It really hurts when you jump on me there.

Tell me you didn't sit there all day waiting for me to come home.

I'm sorry I stepped on your paw.

Please stop peeing on the carpet.