BRODSKY MEGAMIX
  music & nearly all lyrics by Adam Brodsky (includes 12 of his songs)
  arrangement & less than 50 of the words are © 2004 Acoustic Ross


Well tonight you said you’d leave me for the hundred millionth time
Well I got news and best believe that my news is gonna rhyme
It’s true ‘nuff that you’re going but not by plane, train, or sail
So don’t worry none bout packing cause you’re leaving through the mail

   You say we gotta pay homage to your sacred ground
   But you broke your promise when the deal went down
   You got the mineral rights and the equity, we got the broken homes and the HIV

   Now my mojo is a no-go and there’s nothing I can do
   Because my soul ain’t got no soul and my rhythm gives me the blues

I’m gonna send your spleen to Abilene, your ears to Arkansas
Your right brain to your mama and your left brain to your pa
I’ll send your kidneys down to Sidney way out in Baton Rouge
I’ll send your ankles to my uncle on the beach in Santa Cruz

   Everybody’s sick of waiting for the Renaissance so they can start painting
   Industrial revolution caused industrial pollution
   Marx tried to set the workers free while Europe downsized its monarchy 
   Like Archduke Ferdinand started the great war 
   Don’t blame me, I voted for Gore

I’ll send your bladder to Seattle, cause that’s what you think of grunge
Your duodenum to Denver, Raleigh-Durham gets your lungs
I’ll send your liver off to Lynchburg where they bottle the J.D.
They can wring it out, sip the juice, and close the distillery

   Sitting in Oklahoma telling dick jokes on the porch
   Hoping my hair don’t catch fire from this damn tiki torch
   That was the day I woke up as Adam Brodsky
   To others it might have been a living, to me it’s just a hobby

I’ll send you larynx to Minneapolis, your pharynx to St. Paul
Your esophagus to Easton and your stomach to Cedar Falls
I’ll send a finger to each old boyfriend that you used to keep me down
I’ll send the thumbs to your ex-sweetheart living in your ex-hometown

   Over coffee we’re discussing all your boyfriend woes
   That alcoholic misanthropic junkie so and so
   You raise mug to lips without a trace of irony
   And ask why you can’t find a guy who’s more like me

I’ll send your colon to Colorado and your nose off to Des Moines
I’ll send your uterus to Utah, well I might just keep your groin
Your small intestines to Rhode Island and your buttocks to the Bronx
I’ll send your scalp off to Sy Sperling, taunt him with your golden locks

   It ain’t me she wants to bang, she don’t want me or my wang
   At night she dreams of K.D. Lang, her dreams are just like mine
   Don’t you know trendy pants and a big rolodex
   Can turn ten years of mediocrity into an overnight success

Well there’s one more part I’d like to mail of your anatomy
But I couldn’t find it anywhere in your chest cavity
I shook you upside down I tore your sexy bod apart
It all makes much more sense now, you were born without a heart

   I can’t believe your word usement’s superior to mine
   You constantly use words that I’m unable to define
   Which apparently is impolite in sea mammal society
   Who’d have pictured porpoises proponents of propriety?

When tonight you said you’d leave me for better fish out in the sea
Well some of you is leaving postage due and the rest is C.O.D.
Don’t worry none about jetlag, you’re going Federal Express
Well, some of you is - other parts I might just send out U.P.S.

   Thank you for listening, my name was Ross
   I drove up from Tulsa, half the country I crossed
   The songs are all Adam’s, yeah he’s still the boss
   And the housekeeper on that show “Benson” was Kraus.